not forget at the fame time to be useful in fomething to the ftander by. As therefore he began in the title, fo in the next leaf he makes it his first business to tamper with his reader by fycophanting and mifnaming the work of his adverfary. He calls it "a mime thruft forth upon the ftage, to make up the breaches of thofe folemn fcenes between the prelates and the Smectymnuans." Wherein while he is fo over-greedy to fix a name of ill found upon another, note how ftupid he is to expofe himself or his own friends to the fame ignominy; likening those grave controverfies to a piece of ftagery, or fcenework, where his own Remonftrant, whether in bufkin or fock, must of all right be counted the chief player, be it boafting Thrafo, or Davus that troubles all things, or, one who can fhift into any fhape, I meddle not; let him explicate who hath resembled the whole argument to a comedy, for "tragical," he fays, "were too ominous." Nor yet doth he tell us what a mime is, whereof we have no pattern from ancient writers, except fome fragments, which contain many acute and wife fentences. And this we know in Laertius, that the mimes of Sophron were of fuch reckoning with Plato, as to take them nightly to read on, and after make them his pillow. Scaliger def cribes a mime to be a poem intimating any action to ftir up laughter. But this being neither poem, nor yet ridiculous, how is it but abufively taxed to be a mime? For if every book, which may by chance excite to laugh here and there, must be termed thus, then may the dialogues of Plato, who for thofe his writings hath obtained the furname of divine, be esteemed as they are by that detractor in Athenæus, no better than mimes. Because there is fearce one of them, efpecially wherein fome notable fophifter lies fweating and turmoiling under the inevitable and mercilefs dilemmas of Socrates, but that he who reads, were it Saturn himself, would be often robbed of more than a fmile. And whereas he tells us, that "fourrilous Mime was a perfonated grim lowering fool," his foolish language unwittingly writes fool upon his own friend, for he who was there perfonated was only the Remonftrant; the author is ever diftinguished from the perfon perfon he introduces. But in an ill hour hath this unfortunate rashness ftumbled upon the mention of miming, that he might at length ceafe, which he hath not yet fince he ftepped in, to gall and hurt him whom he would aid. Could he not beware, could he not bethink him, was he fo uncircumfpect as not to foresee, that no fooner would that word mime be fet eye on in the paper, but it would bring to mind that wretched pilgrimage over Minfhew's dictionary called "Mundus alter & idem," the idleft and the paltriest mime that ever mounted upon bank? Let him afk "the author of thofe toothlefs fatires," who was the maker, or rather the anticreator of that univerfal foolery, who he was, who like that other principal of the Manichees the arch evil one, when he had looked upon all that he had made and mapped out, could fay no other but contrary to the divine mouth, that it was all very foolish. That grave and noble invention, which the greatest and fublimest wits in fundry ages, Plato in Critias, and our two famous countrymen, the one in his "Utopia," the other in his "New Atlantis" chofe, I may not say as a field, but as a mighty continent, wherein to display the largenefs of their fpirits, by teaching this our world better and exacter things than were yet known or used: this petty prevaricator of America, the zany of Columbus (for so he must be till his world's end) having rambled over the huge topography of his own vain thoughts, no marvel if he brought us home nothing but a mere tankard drollery, a venereous parjetory for a stews. Certainly, he that could endure with a fober pen to fit and devife laws for drunkards to caroufe by, I doubt me whether the very fobernefs of fuch a one, like an unliquored Silenus, were not ftark drunk. Let him go now and brand another man injurioufly with the name of Mime, being himfelf, the loofeft and moft extravagant Mime that hath been heard of, whom no lefs than almoft half the world could ferve for stageroom to play the Mime in. And let him advise again with fir Francis Bacon, whom he cites to confute others, what it is "to turn the fins of chriftendom into a mimical mockery, to rip up the faddeft vices with a laughing laughing countenance," especially where neither reproof nor better teaching is adjoined. Nor is my meaning, readers, to fhift off a blame from myself, by charging the like upon my accufer, but fhall only defire, that fentence may be refpited, till I can come to fome inftance whereto I may give anfwer. Thus having spent his firft onfet, not in confuting, but in a reafonlefs defaming of the book, the method of his malice hurries him to attempt the like against the author; not by proofs and teftimonies, but "having no certain notice of me," as he profeffes, "further than what he gathers from the animadverfions," blunders at me for the reft, and flings out ftray crimes at a venture, which he could never, though he be a ferpent, fuck from any thing that I have written, but from his own ftuffed magazine, and hoard of flanderous inventions, over and above that which he converted to venom in the drawing. To me, readers, it happens as a fingular contentment; and let it be to good men no light fatisfaction, that the flanderer here confeffes, he has "no further notice of me than his own conjecture." Although it had been honeft to have inquired, before he uttered fuch infamous words, and I am credibly informed he did inquire; but finding small comfort from the intelligence which he received, whereon to ground the falfities which he had provided, thought it his likelieft course under a pretended ignorance to let drive at random, left he should lofe his odd ends, which from some penurious book of characters he had been culling out and would fain apply. Not caring to burden me with those vices, whereof, among whom my converfation hath been, I have been ever least suspected; perhaps not without fome fubtlety to caft me into envy, by bringing on me a neceffity to enter into mine own praises. In which argument I know every wife man is more unwillingly drawn to fpeak, than the most repining ear can be averfe to hear. Nevertheless, fince I dare not wish to pass this life unperfecuted of flanderous tongues, for God hath told us that to be generally praised is woeful, I fhall rely on his promise to free the innocent from causeless afperfions: whereof nothing fooner can affure me, than if I fhall feel him now affifting affifting me in the juft vindication of myfelf, which yet. I could defer, it being more meet, that to thofe other matters of public debatement in this book I fhould give attendánce firft, but that I fear it would but harm the truth for me to reason in her behalf, fo long as I fhould suffer my honeft eftimation to lie unpurged from thefe infolent fufpicions. And if I fhall be large, or unwonted in justifying myself to thofe who know me not, for else it would be needlefs, let them confider that a fhort flander will oft-times reach further than a long apology; and that he who will do juftly to all men, muft begin from knowing how, if it fo happen, to be not unjust to himself. I must be thought, if this libeller, (for now he shows himself to be fo) can find belief, after an inordinate and riotous youth spent at the univerfity, to have been at length "vomited out thence." For which com modious lie, that he may be encouraged in the trade another time, I thank him; for it hath given me an apt occafion to acknowledge publicly with all grateful mind, that more than ordinary favour and respect, which I found above any of my equals at the hands of those courteous and learned men, the fellows of that college wherein I spent fome years: who at my parting, after I had taken two degrees, as the manner is, fignified many ways, how much better it would content them that I would ftay; as by many letters full of kindness and loving refpect, both before that time, and long after, I was affured of their fingular good affection towards 'me. Which being likewife propenfe to all fuch as were for their ftudious and civil life worthy of efteem, I could not wrong their judgments, and upright intentions, fo much as to think I had that regard from them for other cause, than that I might be ftill encouraged to proceed in the honeft and laudable courfes, of which they apprehended I had given good proof. And to thofe ingenuous and friendly men, who were ever the countenancers of virtuous and hopeful wits, I wish the best and happieft things, that friends in abfence with one to another. As for the common approbation or diflike of that place, as now it is, that I fhould efteem or difefteem myfelf, or any other the more for that; too fimple and too credulous credulous is the confuter, if he think to obtain with me, or any right difcerner. Of fmall practice were that phyfician, who could not judge by what both the or her fifter hath of long time vomited, that the worfer stuff she ftrongly keeps in her ftomach, but the better fhe is ever kecking at, and is queafy. She vomits now out of ficknefs; but ere it will be well with her, the muft vomit by ftrong phyfic. In the mean while that fuburb fink, as this rude fcavenger calls it, and more than fcurriloufly taunts it with the plague, having a worfe plague in his middle entrail, that fuburb wherein I dwell, thall be in my account a more honourable place than his university. Which as in the time of her better health, and mine own younger judgment, I never greatly admired, fo now much lefs. But he follows me to the city, ftill ufurping and forging beyond his book notice, which only he affirms to have had; "and where my morning haunts are, he wiffes not." It is wonder, that being fo rare an alchymift of flander, he could not extract that, as well as the university vomit, and the suburb fink which his art could diftil fo cunningly; but because his limbec fails him, to give him and envy the more vexation, L will tell him. Those morning haunts are where they fhould be, at home; not fleeping, or concocting the furfeits of an irregular feast, but up and stirring, in whter often ere the found of any bell awake men to labour, or to devotion; in fummer as oft with the bird that first roufes, or not much tardier, to read good authors, or cause them to be read, till the attention be weary, or memory have its full fraught: then with ufeful and generous labours preferving the body's health and hardiness to render lightsome, clear, and not lumpish obedience to the mind, to the cause of religion, and our country's liberty, when it fhall require firm hearts in found bodies to ftand and cover their stations, rather than to see the ruin of our protestation, and the inforcement of a flavish life. Thefe are the morning practices: proceed now to the afternoon; "in playhouses," he fays," and the bor delloes." Your intelligence, unfaithful fpy of Canaan? He gives in his evidence, that "there he hath traced me.' Take him at his word, readers, but let him bring good |