THE SURPRISING, UNHEARD-OF, AND NEVER-TO-BE-SURPASSED

ADVENTURES OF

YOUNG MUNCHAUSEN;

RELATED AND ILLUSTRATED BY

C. H. BENNETT,

IN TWELVE "STORIES."

STORY THE THIRD-OF BATTLES.

WHEN I colonized the South Sea Islands with Quakers, methought

that my natural love for peace and quietness would at once be

satisfied. Alas! for human hopes. Quakers do not BAD HABIT OF tell the truth; and I am again thrown back upon the

QUAKERS.

world.

Let me tell you of my battles.

Even of such paltry affairs as that conflict with revolted convicts at Portland, where, on the high rocky foreland, the keepers all wounded or slain, I stood, single-handed, with a pitchfork, against a thousand and four of the most dangerous ruffians in the British Isles. What did I do? I pitchforked them over into the sea, where they help strengthen that breakwater, in the construction of which they had refused to assist.

A HUMAN BREAK-
WATER.

Once again have I warred against crime. Last winter twelvemonth I did battle with the garotters. Returning home one night from a late dinner at Lord Houghton's, a party of ten (the choicest hands in London) waylaid me; but when they tried to put the "hug" on, I backward kicked, and broke the "nasty man's" shins, threw BACKWARD KICK. the hardest part of my head against the fellow's astonished teeth, knocking them down his throat; wrested the lifepreserver from the man on the look-out, and hit away right and left at every leg I could see. After that, the police were equal to their capture, and I went home to bed.

But if I am handy with a "life-preserver," save my enemy from a shillelagh, when I have it in my grasp. You know Ireland-heard of Cork; it was there that I became the victim of an Irish row. They had heard of Munchausen, and they hated the name; they trailed the coat

L

I seized the nearest and knottiest shillelagh; holding it at arm's length, I set off in a quick waltz step; the place was cleared. Paddies fell by the hundred. I merely stopped outside the town to stick the bludgeon carefully into the ground, and then immediately left the country, never more to return. I hear, by the last post, that the planted weapon is a living monument of now a beautiful oak-tree

before me, they abused me, struck me; it was enough.

SINGULAR GROWTH.

Munchausen's prowess.

Already I had

Not that an Irish tumult was a new thing to me. suffered. At Ballinasloe Fair I had been knocked down and trampled on; a fair damsel had put the usual sharp-edged stone into her grey worsted stocking, thinking mercifully to finish me. I sprung to my feet, seized the terrible missile from the lady's hand, and cleared the fair. It has never been forgiven, nor, need I add, forgotten.

I am not particular in my choice of weapons. With an axe, a bowieknife, and a drum, I once put down a rising among the Australian natives, that at one time promised to be a very serious affair. Our settlement (five hundred miles from Ballarat) had been burnt and pillaged; the savages had retreated into the woods, from whence, in the night, they made raids upon our cattle; nay, even carried off our wives and children. With my axe I cleared a path into the forest; with my bowie-knife killed all their sentinels on the look-out; and on my drum beat such a sudden "rat-tatt-too," that the ignorant natives rushed in a body to what remained of our settlement, and gave themselves up prisoners at once. In Poland, with a scythe, I may say I can turn anything to account. I mowed down two acres of Russian troops in three hours and fourteen minutes.

BEATEN WITH A

DRUM.

Opposed to a detachment of Austrians, I caught sight of their great jack-boots, and at once, by sheer force of arms, drove them into a morass, which lay in their rear, in which they stuck, until I

BOOTS.

USE AND ABUSE OF humanely ordered them to be picked out like periwinkles, and sent to prison, where they now lay. But the Austrians know one of my boots as well as they do ten Daunted by my army, they had turned tail, thousand of their own. and were running downhill in the direction of the Danube. I, in front, up with booted right foot, and gave the last man one great kick. One over the other they all went down the hill, into the river, where they perished miserably.

my

I fought the Cossacks once, sword against lance. I killed so many The enemy, frightened, that my trusty sabre was hacked into a saw.

climbed into a large spreading oak-tree; with my sword I sawed right through the trunk of the oak, down it fell, with a terrible crash, killing every Cossack of them in its fall. Once I met these daring spirits lance to lance, I kept on running them through till my weapon was full, and

I SAWED AND
CONQUERED.

then pulled it out by the other end-it saved time.

Never waste time nor opportunity. In Naples, last June, rapidly making my way through a narrow pass, about four miles from the city, I heard brigands approaching, seven hundred strong. Hiding behind a projecting rock, at a place where the road was so narrow that only one could pass at a time, I was on the look-out; a dagger my only weapon; but I had my plan. I would not kill them. Oh, no! that I could well leave for the public executioner, who would have enough to do. I stabbed them all in the right wrist, disabled them, and took them prisoners.

A HARD DAY'S WORK.

THE WAY HOME.

My last skirmish in America was with a regiment of New York Tigers. I carried my famous double-barrelled breech-loader-a Henry— and shot it off so many times, and so quickly, that the gun became red-hot. I could no longer fire it, so hurried to a neighbouring stream, and dipped my weapon in the water, to cool it. Cried the enemy, "He is frightened, he runs away; let's at him." On they came, and in such force that, losing my usual caution, I filled both barrels to the muzzle with cartridges, let fly, and lo! my gun burst in my hand. Any other boy it would have killed, but in my steady grasp it simply annihilated all the "Tigers," and by its recoil sent me back for several miles, landing me at last safely on the deck of a mail-packet, then starting for Old England.

Once, against the army of the Potomac, under the assumed name of Bragg, with my good old six-shooter, I picked them off three hundred and sixty per minute. My ammunition held out well; but alas! my percussion caps failed me all on a sudden. What to do! A sudden thought rushed through my brain. We were fighting alongside of the Virginia and Tennessee railway. I climbed up a telegraph pole, cut the wire, caught the electric spark as it came flashing along, applied it to my touch-holes, and with such success that as you must have read in the Times long ago-General Hooker had to resign in consequence.

GREAT POWER OF
ELECTRICITY.

FRIENDLY FEELING.

But, if I ruin my enemies, I never forget my friends. I met my old crony Lincoln on the field of battle: he is not brave, and he cried piteously, "Don't kill me : think of past happy days." Thought I, you shall not suffer.

"Stoop!

I shouted. He bent himself double, and through the slack of his loose American trousers went the point of my bayonet. I lifted him on to my shoulder, and carried him alive and safely a prisoner into

our camp.

When I met a regiment of Federals in Virginia, near a mill, I beat them so about the head with a sack of flour, and kicked up such a dust and a smother, that the advancing army, never waiting to listen for the roar of what they imagined must be my artillery, turned round, ran back to Washington, and told such a horrible story of their narrow escape, that General Butler drank prussic acid out of a pewter pot, thinking it his only means of safety.

But he was safe enough for me, at that time. I was off to Chattanooga, with a large mirror, by means of which I dazzled the horses' eyes until they ran wild, and brought all the Federal officers into POWER OF LIGHT. the Confederate lines; with a burning-glass, with which I blew up the advancing ammunition train, leaving them unprepared for the terrible onslaught which followed.

THE WOODEN LEG
FIRE.

Lincoln was so hard run for troops once, that he sent out a woodenlegged regiment as a forlorn hope, the main army following on behind. Slowly stumping on, the poor wooden legs in advance grew tired, lay down and slept. So, I caught them, unbuckled their legs, with which I made large fires under our campkettles, already filled with water from the Rappahannock, seized a Federal fire-engine that was just passing, and, playing boiling water on to the advancing foe, beat them back faster than they came. The wooden-legged troops were released as soon as a sufficient number of trees had been cut down to furnish them with new legs.

But of course you are anxious to learn how and by what means the American War was finally brought to a close. By a very simple device, I assure you. Having had a million-pounder gun built by Sir William Armstrong, and then smuggled over in the Alabama, END OF THE AMERI- I seized the opportunity of the American armies joining in one great movement against us, and then— not till then I loaded my piece with pewter pots, crowbars, and patent safety matches.

CAN WAR.

I fired! The effect was just what I had anticipated.

All the pots fell on to all the heads of all the Federal troops, extinguishing them.

All the crowbars broke open all the magazines, and—

All the patent safety matches set fire to all the ammunition, and blew up everybody that had not been previously extinguished. Perhaps you

may understand now that I was not sorry for the lucky accident which sent me safely home to England once more.

THE WASHERWOMAN'S
VICTORY.

I am noted for peculiar ammunition. I once stopped a rising of the Druses against the Maronites, in Damascus, by loading a large cannon with soap and water, soda and blue-bag. The soapsuds got into the eyes of the Druses, and nearly blinded them; the "blue water," with which they were drenched, made them so hideous to behold, that as soon as they had rubbed the soapsuds out of their eyes, they gave but one look at each other, and in a body rushed to the nearest bridge, from which they committed suicide in their

terror.

In Mexico we had no provisions, so of course they sent me out to forage. I got away well enough, but could not get back, the French troops had so closely invested the place. Off I made for the neighbouring town, only ten miles distant; it had not yet surrendered, and was well supplied with dutch cheeses and cocoa-nuts; also, they had a five hundred and seventy-three-pounder Whitworth gun, stolen from the French, who had purchased it in England. They had gunDUTCH CHEESES AND Powder, but no shells. A thought! I loaded the gun with cheeses and cocoa-nuts, fired with good elevation,. double charge of powder, fairly in the direction of Mexico, and in less. than twelve hours, by dint of hard work and close calculation, that city was well provisioned, and able to hold out until the besiegers left it, satisfied with having telegraphed home that

COCOA NUTS.

"Mexico was taken and subdued."

JAWBONE,

Of course I have not always the fortune to come across good weapons. At the Cape, attacked by Caffres, I bor. rowed the jawbone of a talkative fellow, who had for a long time bored me with his company; and with that ancient but somewhat inefficient weapon, slew every Caffre that dared to show himself.

I have just returned from New Zealand, where I have given them that peace which Sir George Grey had failed to find for them. In the midst of an engagement I simply flashed open my Sangster's umbrella full in the face of the Maori king: he went on his knees, begged my pardon, and then and there signed a Treaty on my cambric pocket-handkerchief, there being no writing-paper within four hundred miles of the spot upon which this singular victory was gained.