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From the Same.
for a superior reward, of taking down the names of are flattered, so it may be a glorious incentive to good men, to make room for others of equivocal those who are now capable of enjoying it. It is the character, nor ever profane the sacred walls with duty of every good government to turn this monupageants that posterity can not know, or shall blush mental pride to its own advantage; to become to own.
strong in the aggregate from the weakness of the I always was of opinion, that sepulchral ho- individual. If none but the truly great have a nours of this kind should be considered as a na- place in this awful repository, a temple like this tional concern, and not trusted to the care of the will give the finest lessons of morality, and be a priests of any country, how respectable soever ; but strong incentive to true ambition. I am told, that from the conduct of the reverend personages, whose none have a place here but characters of the most disinterested patriotism I shall shortly be able to distinguished merit.” The man in black seemed discover, I am taught to retract my former senti- impatient at my observations, so I discontinued my ments. It is true, the Spartans and the Persians remarks, and we walked on together to take a view made a fine political use of sepulchral vanity; they of every particular monument in order as it lay. permitted none to be thus interred, who had not As the eye is naturally caught by the finest obfallen in the vindication of their country. A monu-jects, I could not avoid being particularly curious ment thus became a real mark of distinction; it about one monument, which appeared more beaunerved the hero's arm with tenfold vigour, and he tiful than the rest : that, said I to my guide, I take fought without fear who only fought for a grave. to be the tomb of some very great man. By the Farewell.
peculiar excellence of the workmanship, and the magnificence ef the design, this must be a trophy
raised to the memory of some king, who has saved LETTER XIII.
his country from ruin, or lawgiver who has reduced his fellow-citizens from anarchy into just
subjection. It is not requisite, replied my com. I am just returned from Westminster Abbey, panion, smiling, to have such qualifications in the place of sepulture for the philosophers, heroes, order to have a very fine monument here. More and kings of England. What a gloom do monu- humble abilities will suffice. · What! I suppose, mental inscriptions, and all the venerable remains then, the gaining two or three battles, or the taking of deceased merit, inspire! Imagine a temple half a score of towns, is thought a sufficint qualimarked with the hand of antiquity, solemn as reli- fication? Gaining battles, or taking towns, regious awe, adorned with all the magnificence of plied the man in black, may be of service ; but a barbarous profusion, dim windows, fretted pillars, gentleman may have a very fine monument here long colonades, and dark ceilings. Think, then, without ever seeing a battle or a siege. Thie, what were my sensations at being introduced to then, is the monument of some poet, I presume, of such a scene. I stood in the midst of the temple, one whose wit has gained him immortality? No, and threw my eyes round on the walls, filled with sir, replied my guide, the gentleman who lies here the statues, the inscriptions, and the monuments of never made verses ; and as for wit, he despised it the dead.
in others, because he had none himself. Pray tell Alas! I said to myself, how does pride attend me then in a word, said I peevishly, what is the the puny child of dust even to the grave! Even great man who lies here particularly remarkable humble as I am, I possess more consequence in the for? Remarkable, sir! said my companion; why
I present scene than the greatest hero of them all: sir, the gentleman that lies here is remarkable, they have toiled for an hour to gain a transient im- very remarkable—for a tomb in Westminster Abmortality, and are at length retired to the grave, bey. But, head my ancestors! how has he got where they have no attendant but the worm, none here? I fancy he could nerer bribe the guardians to flatter but the epitaph.
of the temple to give him a place. Should he not As I was indulging such reflections, a gentleman be ashamed to be seen among company, where even dressed in black, perceiving me to be a stranger, moderate merit would look like infamy? I supcame up, entered into conversation, and politely pose, replied the man in black, the gentleman was offered to be my instructor and guide through the rich, and his friends, as is usual in such a case, temple. If any monument, said he, should par- told him he was great. He readily believed them; ticularly excite your curiosity, I shall endeavour to the guardians of the temple, as they got by the satisfy your demands. I accepted with thanks the self-delusion, were ready to believe him tou; so he gentleman's offer, adding, that "I was come to ob- paid his money for a fine monument; and the serve the policy, the wisdom, and the justice of the work man, as you see, has made him one the English, in conferring rewards upon deceased most beautiful. Think not, however, that this merit. If adulation like this (continued I) be pro- gentleman is singular in his desire of being buried perly conducted, as it can no ways injure those who among the great ; there are several others in the
temple, who, hated and shunned by the great while must pay first. I was surprised at such a demand; aïve, have come here, fully resolved to keep them and asked the man, whether the people of England company now they are dead.
kept a show? whether the paltry sum he demanded As we walked along to a particular part of the was not a national reproach? whether it was not temple, There, says the gentleman, pointing with more to the honour of the country to let their maghis finger, that is the poet's corner; there you see nificence or their antiquities be openly seen, than the monuments of Shakspeare, and Milton, and thus meanly to tax a curiosity which tended to Prior, and Drayton. Drayton! I replied ; I never their own honour? As for your questions, replied heard of him before: but I have been told of one the gate-keeper, to be sure they may be very right, Pope; is he there? It is time enough, replied my because I don't understand them; but, as for that guide, these hundred years; he is not long dead; there threepence, I farm it from one,—who rents people have not done hating him yet. Strange, it from another,--who hires it from a third,—who cried I, can any be found to hate a man, whose life leases it from the guardians of the temple, and we pas wholly spent in entertaining and instructing all must live. I expected, upon paying here, to see lis fellow-creatures? Yes, says my guide, they something extraordinary, since what I had seen for hate him for that very reason. There are a set of nothing filled me with so much surprise: but in men called answerers of books, who take upon them this I was disappointed; there was little more to watch the republic of letters, and distribute re- within than black coffins, rusty armour, tattered putation by the sheet; they somewhat resemble the standards, and some few slovenly figures in wax. eunuchs in a seraglio, who are incapable of giving I was sorry I had paid, but I comforted myself by pleasure themselves, and hinder those that would. considering it would be my last payment. A perThese answerers have no other employment but son attended us, who, without once blushing, told to cry out Dunce, and Scribbler; to praise the a hundred lies : he talked of a lady who died by dead, and revile the living; to grant a man of con- pricking her finger; of a king with a golden head, fessed abilities some small share of merit ; to ap- and twenty such pieces of absurdity. Look ye plaud twenty blockheads in order to gain the repu- there, gentlemen, says he, pointing to an old oak tion of candour; and to revile the moral character chair, there's a curiosity for ye; in that chair the of the man whose writings they can not injure. kings of England were crowned: you see also a Such wretches are kept in pay by some mercenary stone underneath, and that stone is Jacob's pillow. bookseller, or more frequently the bookseller him- I could see no curiosity either in the oak chair or self takes this dirty work off their hands, as all that the stone: could I, indeed, behold one of the old is required is to be very abusive and very dull. kings of England seated in this, or Jacob's head! Every poet of any genius is sure to find such ene- laid upon the other, there might be something cumies ; he feels, though he seems to despise, their rious in the sight; but in the present case there was malice ; they make him miserable here, and in the no more reason for my surprise, than if I should pursuit of empty fame, at last he gains solid anxi- pick a stone from their streets, and call it a curiosiety.
ty, merely because one of the kings happened to Has this been the case with erery poet I see here? tread upon it as he passed in a procession. cried I.— Yes, with every mother's son of them, From hence our conductor led us through several replied he, except he happened to be born a man- dark walks and winding ways, uttering lies, talking darine. If he has much money, he may buy repu- to himself, and flourishing a wand which he held tation from your book-answerers, as well as a monu- in his hand. He reminded me of the black magiment from the guardians of the temple.
cians of Kobi. After we had been almost fatigued But are there not some men of distinguished with a variety of objects, he at last desired me to tarte
, as in China, who are willing to patronise consider attentively a certain suit of armour, which then of merit, and soften the rancour of malero- seemed to show nothing remarkable. This ar
mour, said he, belonged to General Monk. Very I own there are many, replied the man in black; surprising that a general should wear armour! but
, alas! sir, the book-answerers crowd about And pray, added he, observe this cap, this is Genethem, and call themselves the writers of books; and ral Monk's cap. Very strange indeed, very the patron is too indolent to distinguish : thus poets strange, that a general should have a cap also ! are kept at a distance, while their enemies eat up Pray, friend, what might this cap have cost oriall their rewards at the mandarine's table. ginally? That, sir, says he, I don't know; but this
Leaving this part of the temple, we made up to cap is all the wages I have for my trouble. A very an iron gate, through which my companion told small recompense truly, said I. Not so very small, me we were to pass in order to see the monuments replied he, for every gentleman puts some money of the kings. Accordingly I marched up without into it, and I spend the money. What, more mofurther ceremony, and was going to enter, when a ney! still more money! Every gentleman gives person, who held the gate in his hand, told me I something, sir. I'll give thee nothing, returned I;
the guardians of the temple should pay you your Pray speak a little Chinese: I have learned some wages, friend, and not permit you to squeeze thus of the language myself. Lord! have you nothing from every spectator. When we pay our money pretty from China about you ; something that one at the door to see a show, we never give more as does not know what to do with ? I have got twenty we are going out. Sure, the guardians of the tem- things from China that are of no use in the world. ple can never think they get enough. Show me Look at those jars, they are of the right pea-green: the gate; if I stay longer, I may probably meet with these are the furniture.” Dear madam, said I, more of those ecclesiastical beggars.
these, though they may appear fine in your eyes, Thus leaving the temple precipitately, I returned are but paltry to a Chinese ; but, as they are useto my lodgings, in order to ruminate over what was ful utensils, it is proper they should have a place great, and to despise what was mean in the occur in every apartment. Useful! sir, replied the lady; rences of the day.
sure you mistake, they are of no use in the world.
What! are they not filled with an infusion of tea as in China? replied I. Quite empty and useless,
upon my honour, sir. Then they are the most LETTER XIV.
cumbrous and clumsy furniture in the world, as
nothing is truly elegant but what unites use with From the Same.
beauly. I protest, says the lady, I shall begin to I was some days ago agreeably surprised by a suspect thee of being an actual barbarian. I supmessage from a lady of distinction, who sent me pose you hold my two beautiful pagods in conword, that she most passionately desired the plea- tempt. What! cried I, has Fohi spread his gross sure of my acquaintance; and, with the utmost superstitions here also! Pagods of all kinds are impatience, expected an interview. I will not deny, my arersion. A Chinese traveller, and want taste! my dear Fum Hoam, but that my vanity was raised it surprises me. Pray, sir, examine the beauties at such an invitation: I flattered myself that she of that Chinese temple which you see at the end had seen me in some public place, and had con- of the garden. Is there any thing in China more ceived an affection for my person, which thus in- beautiful ? 'Where I stand, I see nothing, madam duced her to deviate from the usual decorums of at the end of the garden, that may not as well be the sex. My imagination painted her in all the called an Egyptian pyramid as a Chinese temabloom of youth and beauty. I fancied her attended ple ; for that little building in view is as like the by the Loves and Graces; and I set out with the one as t'other. What! sir, is not that a Chinese most pleasing expectations of seeing the conquest temple ? you must surely be mistaken. Mr. Freeze, I had made.
who designed it, calls it one, and nobody disputes When I was introduced into her apartment, my his pretensions to taste. I now found it vain to expectations were quickly at an end ;, I perceived contradict the lady in any thing she thought fit to a little shrivelled figure indolently reclined on a advance ; so was resolved rather to act the disciple sofa, who nodded by way of approbation at my ap- than the instructor. She took me through several proach. This, as I was afterwards informed, was rooms all furnished, as she told me, in the Chinese the lady herself, a woman equally distinguished for manner; sprawling dragons, squatting pagods, and rank, politeness, taste, and understanding. As I clumsy mandarines, were stuck upon every shelf: was dressed after the fashion of Europe, she had in turning round, one must have used caution not taken me for an Englishman, and consequently sa- to demolish a part of the precarious furniture. luted me in her ordinary manner : but when the In a house like this, thought I, one must live footman informed her grace that I was the gentle continually upon the watch; the inhabitant must reman from China, she instantly lifted herself from semble a knight in an enchanted castle, who exthe couch, while her eyes sparkled with unusual pects to meet an adventure at every turning. But, vivacity. “Bless me! can this be the gentleman madam, said I, do not accidents ever happen to all that was born so far from home? What an unu- this finery ? Man, sir, replied the lady, is born to sual share of somethingness in his whole appear- misfortunes, and it is but fit I should have a share. ance! Lord, how I am charmed with the outlandish Three weeks ago, a careless servant snapped off cut of his face ! how bewitching the exotic breadth the head of a favourite mandarine: I had scarce of his forehead! I would give the world to see him done grieving for that, when a monkey broke a in his own country dress. Pray turn about, sir, beautiful jar; this I took the more to heart
, as the and let me see you behind. There, there's a tra- injury was done me by a friend ! However, I sur vell'd air for you! You that attend there, bring up vived the calamity; when yesterday crash went * plate of beef cut into small pieces; I have a violent half a dozen dragons upon the marble hearthstone: passion to see him eat. Pray, sir, have you got and yet I live; I survive it all : you can't conceive your chop-sticks about you? It will be so pretty to what comfort I find under afflictions from philososee the seat carried to the mouth with a jerk. | phy. There is Seneca and Bolingbroke, and corre
From the same.
others, who guide me through life, and teach me to punishment; but are previously condemned to sufsapport its calamities.— I could not but smile at a fer all the pains and hardships inflicted upon them woman who makes her own misfortunes, and then by man, or by each other, here. If this be the case, deplores the miseries of her situation. Wherefore, it may frequently happen, that while we whip pigs tired of acting with dissimulation, and willing to to death, or boil live lobsters, we are putting some indulge my meditations in solitude, I took leave just old acquaintance, some near relation, to excruciatas the servant was bringing in a plate of beef, pur- ing tortures, and are serving him up to the very table suant to the directions of his mistress. Adieu. where he was once the most welcome companion.
"Kabul,” says the Zendevesta, "was born on
the rushy banks of the river Mawra ; his possesLETTER XV
sions were great, and his luxuries kept pace with the affluence of his fortune; he hated the harmless brahmins, and despised their holy religion ; every
day his table was decked out with the flesh of a The better sort here pretend to the utmost com- hundred different animals, and his cooks had a passion for animals of every kind: to hear them hundred different ways of dressing it, to solicit even speak, a stranger would be apt to imagine they satiety. could hardly hurt the gnat that stung them; they "Notwithstanding all his eating, he did not arseem so tender and so full of pity, that one would rive at old age; he died of a surfeit, caused by intake them for the harmless friends of the whole temperance : upon this, his soul was carried off, in creation; the protectors of the meanest insect or order to take its trial before a select assembly of reptile that was privileged with existence. And the souls of those animals which his gluttony had yet (would you believe it?) I have seen the very caused to be slain, and who were now appointed men who have thus boasted of their tenderness, at his judges. the same time devouring the flesh of six different “He trembled before a tribunal, to every memanimals tossed up in a fricassee. Strange contra- ber of which he had formerly acted as an unmerriety of conduct! they pity, and they eat the ob- ciful tyrant; he sought for pity, but found none jects of their compassion! The lion roars with ter- disposed to grant it. Does he not remember, cries for over its captive; the tiger sends forth its hideous the angry boar, to what agonies I was put, not to shriek to intimidate its prey; no creature shows satisfy his hunger, but his vanity? I was first any fondness for its short-lived prisoner, except a hunted to death, and my flesh scarce thought worman and a cat.
thy of coming once to his table. Were my advice Man was born to live with innocence and sim- followed, he should do penance in the shape of a plicity, but he has deviated from nature; he was hog, which in life he most resembled. born to share the bounties of heaven, but he has “I am rather, cries a sheep upon the bench, for monopolized them; he was born to govern the brute having him suffer under the appearance of a lamb; creation, but he is become their tyrant. If an epi- we may then send him through four or five transeure now shall happen to surfeit on his last night's migrations in the space of a month. Were my feast
, twenty animals the next day are to undergo voice of any weight in the assembly, cries a calf, the most exquisite tortures, in order to provoke his he should rather assume such a form as mine; I appetite to another guilty meal. Hail, Oye simple, was bled every day, in order to make my flesh honest brahmins of the East; yè inoffensive friends white, and at last killed without mercy. Would it of all that were born to happiness as well as you; not be wiser, cries a hen, to cram him in the shape you never sought a short-lived pleasure from the of a fowl, and then smother him in his own blood, miseries of other creatures ! You never studied the as I was served? The majority of the assembly tormenting arts of ingenious refinement; you never were pleased with this punishment, and were gosurfeited upon a guilty meal! How much more purifi- ing to condemn him without further delay, when ed and refined are all your sensations than ours! you the ox rose up to give his opinion : I am informed, distinguishevery element with the utmost precision; says this counsellor, that the prisoner at the bar a stream untasted before is new luxury, a change has left a wife with child behind him. By my knowof air is a new banquet, too refined for Western ledge in divination, I foresee that this child will be imaginations to conceive.
a son, decrepit, feeble, sickly, a plague to himself, Though the Europeans do not hold the transmi- and all about him. What say you, then, my comgration of souls, yet one of their doctors has, with panions, if we condemn the father to animate the great force of argument, and great plausibility of body of his own son; and by this means make him reasoning, endeavoured to prove, that the bodies feel in himself those miseries his intemperance must of animals are the habitations of demons and wicked otherwise have entailed upon his posterity? The spirits, which are obliged to reside in these prisons whole court applauded the ingenuity of his torture; till the resurrection pronounces their everlasting they thanked him for his advice,
From the same.
driven once more to revisit the earth; and his soul creates another nation of Cyclops, the Arimaspians, in the body of his own son, passed a period of thirty who inhabit those countries that border on the years, loaded with misery, anxiety, and disease." Caspian Sea. This author goes on to tell us of a
people of India, who have but one leg and one eye,
and yet are extremely active, run with great swiftLETTER XVI.
ness, and live by hunting. These people we scarcely know how to pity or admire : but the men whom Pliny calls Cynamolci, who have got the
heads of dogs, really deserve our compassion; inI know not whether I am more obliged to the Chinese missionaries for the instruction I have stead of language, they express their sentiments received from them, or prejudiced by the falsehoods by barking. Solinus confirms what Pliny menthey have made me believe. By them I was told tions; and Simon Mayole, a French bishop, talks
of them as of particular and familiar acquaintances. that the Pope was universally allowed to be a man, and placed at the head of the church ; in England, After passing the deserts of Egypt, says he, we
meet with the Kunokephaloi, who inhabit those however, they plainly prove him to be a whore in
regions that border on Ethiopia ; they lire by man's clothes, and often burn him in effigy as an
hunting; they can not speak, but whistle; their impostor. A thousand books have been written
chins resemble a serpent's head; their hands are on either side of the question: priests are eternally disputing against each other; and those mouths armed with long sharp claws; their breast resem
bles that of a greyhound; and they excel in swiftthat want argument are filled with abuse. Which
ness and agility. * Would you think it, my friend, party must I believe, or shall I give credit to nei
that these odu kind of people are, notwithstanding ther? When I survey the absurdities and false their figure, excessively delicate; not even an alderhoods with which the books of the Europeans are
man's wife, or Chinese mandarine, can excel them filled, I thank Heaven for having been born in China, and that I have sagacity enough to detect
in this particular. These people, continues our
faithful bishop, never refuse wine; love toast and imposture. The Europeans reproach us with false history
boiled meat: they are particularly curious in harand fabulous chronology: how should they blushing their meat well dressed, and spurn at it if it
the least tainted. When the Ptolemies reigned to see their own books, many of which are written by the doctors of their religion, filled with the most
in Egypt (says he a little farther on) those men
with dogs' heads taught grammar and music. monstrous fables, and attested with the utmost solemnity. The bounds of a letter do not permit who could not speak, to teach grammar, is, I con
For men who had no voices to teach music, and me to mention all the absurdities of this kind, which in my reading I have met with. I shall of Fohi broach any thing more ridiculous?
fess, a little extraordinary. Did ever the disciples confine myself to the accounts which some of their
Hitherto we have seen men with heads strangelettered men give of the persons of some of the in
ly deformed, and with dogs' heads; but what would habitants on our globe: and not satisfied with the most solemn asseverations, they sometimes pre- Pomponius Mela, Solinus, and Aulus Gellius, de
you say if you heard of men without any heads at all ? tend to have been eye-witnesses of what they describe them to our hand: "The Blemiæ have a scribe. A Christian doctor, in one of his principal per- will have it
, placed on their shoulders.”
nose, eyes, and mouth on their breasts; or, as others formances,* says, that it was not impossible for a
One would think that these authors had an anwhole nation to have but one eye in the middle of
tipathy to the human form, and were resolved to the forehead. He is not satisfied with leaving it
make a new figure of their own : but let us do them in doubt; but in another work,t assures us, that
justice. Though they sometimes deprive us of a the fact was certain, and that he himself was an eye-witness of it. When, says he, I took a journey the body, they often as liberally bestow upon us
leg, an arm, a head, or some such trifling part of into Ethiopia, in company with several other ser
something that we wanted before. Simon Mayole vants of Christ, in order to preach the gospel there, I beheld, in the southern provinces of that country, denied heads to one part of mankind, he has given
seems our particular friend in this respect; if he has a nation which had only one eye in the midst of tails to another. He describes many of the Eng. their foreheads. You will no doubt be surprised, reverend Fum,
lish of his time, which is not more than a hundred with this author's effrontery; but, alas! he is not years ago, as having tails. His own words are as alone in this story: he has only borrowed it from have tails, as a punishment for deriding an Ax
follow : In England there are some families whick several others who wrote before him. Solinus
gustin friar sent by St. Gregory, and who preachAugustin. de Civit. Dei, lib. xvi. p. 422.
ed in Dorsetshire. They sewed the tails of differ1 Augustin. ad fratres in Eremo, Serin. xxxvii. ent animals to his clothes; but soon they found