no longer see, as through a glass darkly, but face to face, and shall know even as we are known."

CHAPTER 18

Conscientious scruples of Mr. Lindsey....The Author's first intimation of the determination to which they tended.... The reasons of the delay....Difficulties to be encountered. ....Noble conduct of Mrs. Lindsey....Gradual and calm preparation for the coming event....The children in the parish inoculated....Minute attention of Mr. Lindsey. His plan of a reformed liturgy....Doubts, whether a promise of the living of Catterick might be solicited by the Author for her brother....Reasons for deciding in the negative.

SCARCELY had this sorrow become less acute, when another series of anxieties took possession of my mind; not so overpowering indeed at the time, but in their consequences, of far longer duration, and from which all the subsequent events of my life may be said to have taken their colour.

My excellent friend Mr. Lindsey, had been educated in strict principles of moderate Calvinism; and when he first engaged in the Christian ministry, he saw little, if any thing, to object to, in that form of Christianity, which is professed in the Church of England. "Although," as he him. self says in his Apology, "he remembered it struck him at the time, as a strange, unnecessary entanglement, to put young men upon declaring

and subscribing their approbation of such a large heterogeneous mass of positions and doctrines, as are contained in her Liturgy, Articles, and Homilies."

He had not engaged in the Christian ministry, with a view to obtain affluence or distinction. Splendid as were his early prospects, and extensive as were his connexions among the great and powerful, his whole heart was devoted from the very first, to the service of his heavenly Master, to whom alone he considered himself as strictly accountable for the talents committed to his trust. It was therefore with the greatest concern and anxiety, after a stricter examination of the Scriptures of the Old and New Testament, whilst resident in Dorsetshire, that he found many things in the Established Church, her Articles, her Homilies, and her Liturgy, at variance, as he conceived, not only with each other, but what was still more important, with the doctrines and spirit of the Gospel. What passed in his mind, upon this occasion, he has so well detailed in his excellent Apology, together with his motives for wishing to leave the Church, and the reasons, which at that time weighed with him to continue in it, that it would be as injurious as it is unnecessary, for me to add any thing to it.* Some years previous to this time, viz. in the year 1766, Archdeacon Blackburne published his celebrated work, the "Confessional," without his name; yet so forcible and conclusive was the reasoning em

* See also Mr. Belsham's Memoir.

ployed, that notwithstanding the tide of prejudice, of sophistry, and of interest, by which it was opposed, it excited a general spirit of inquiry, and gave occasion to a more complete investigation of the subject, to which it related, viz. the utility of subscription to human articles of faith, than had hitherto taken place. This interesting investigation might probably be one cause, among many others, of more forcibly impelling the upright, ingenuous mind of my invaluable friend, to reconsider his own ambiguous situation as minister in a church, whose leading principles he could not admit. This was doubtless, his painful state of mind, soon after I had the happiness of being first introduced to his acquaintance; but as he did not advert to it in conversation with one, who had little previous knowledge on the subject; seeing him uniformly cheerful, and constantly occupied in diffusing happiness to all within his influence, I had not the least idea that any anxiety was inwardly destroying his peace. The first intimation I had of it, was after a visit, made to him in the summer of. 1769, by the late very eminent Dr. Priestley, and the late Mr. Turner of Wakefield, a gentleman of great learning and exemplary piety, and peculiarly distinguished as a Scripture critic. This was their first acquaintance, and it laid the foundation, in respect to both, of a firm and lasting friendship. Happening to be at Catterick soon after their departure, the conversation frequently turned, on the part of my two friends there, on the subject of their late visitors; and Mrs. Lindsey

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observed, that "they were not alone illustrious for their various and uncommon mental endowments, but to be admired also for the innocent, and even playful cheerfulness of their conversation." Ah," returned Mr. L. "your observation is just, but they are at ease!" "And are not you also at ease?" I silently inquired, "you who are always doing good, and whom every one loves, reveres, and esteems?"

He had long resolved never to renew his subscription, and still further, not to accept any additional preferment in the Church, though it might not entail upon him this obligation; but now all his former scruples had acquired great additional force, and he again most seriously doubted whether any considerations of utility, or probable greater usefulness, could justify his continuance in it.

For many weeks and months, he continued to endure this most painful state of indecision and suspense, till at length, the attack of a violent rheumatic fever, decided the important question. On the apprehended near approach of death, the single consideration of acting with the smallest duplicity in His sight, who is " of purer eyes than to behold iniquity," was quite insupportable, and he steadfastly resolved to resign his living, however ruinous the consequence; if the prayer of a petition for relief in the matter of subscription, then pending in Parliament, should be decided in the negative. Of this resolution, I heard frequent distant intimations; but I was not fully apprized that the determination was irrevocable,

until Mr. Lindsey one morning brought into the room a letter he had just received from the Rev. Mr. Wyvill, (then rector of Black Notley in Essex, and since so generally known for his zealous and patriotic exertions, in favour of a Reform in Parliament, and for his labours in the cause of general toleration,) from which he read a passage to this effect. If we should not obtain redress on the subject of our petition, there is with me but one alternative,-I must relieve myself." That," said Mr. L. as he laid down the letter, and walked backward and forward across the room, with a saddened countenance, "That is what I must be compelled to do likewise."

Afflicted as I was at the prospect of the impending sacrifice, numerous as I foresaw would be the difficulties, to which my friend would thereby be exposed, and incalculable as would be the loss of their society to myself, should they actually leave Catterick, I never doubted, even for a moment, of the rectitude of the determination. Yet still I hoped, so long as the fate of this important petition remained undecided, that we might be spared this trial, for I really considered myself as being deeply implicated in it. At length, however, the die was cast; the petition was rejected by a considerable majority, and my friends began calmly, but steadily, to prepare for the painful duty which now devolved upon them.* Mr. Lindsey had no private fortune, his

* I have elsewhere related the heroic conduct of my friend Mrs. Lindsey, on this trying occasion. See the Monthly Repository for Feb. 1812, Vol. VII. p. 109.