do good, evil is present with me: Even the law in my members warring against the law of my mind, and still bringing me into captivity to the law of sin."

10. In this state, I was indeed fighting continually but not conquering. Before, I had willingly served sin; now it was unwillingly, but still I served it. I fell and rose and fell again. Sometimes I was overcome, and in heaviness: Sometimes I overcame, and was in joy. For, as in the former state, I had some foretastes of the terrors of the Law, so had I in this, of the comforts of the Gospel. During this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued above ten years, I had many remarkable returns to prayer, especially when I was in trouble: I had many sensible comforts, which are indeed no other than short anticipations of the life of faith. But I was still under the Law, not under Grace, the state most who are called Christians are content to live and die in. For I was only striving with, not freed from sin: Neither had I the witness of the Spirit with my spirit. And indeed could not: for "I sought it not by faith, but, as it were, by the works of the Law."

11. In my return to England, January 1738, being in imminent danger of death, and very uneasy on that account, I was strongly convinced that the cause of that uneasiness was unbelief, and that the gaining a true living faith was the one thing needful for me. But still I fixt not this faith on its right object: I meant only faith in God, not faith in or through Christ. Again, I knew not that I was wholly void of this faith; but only thought I had not enough of it. So that when Peter Bohler, whom God prepared for me as soon as I came to London, affirmed of true faith in Christ, which is but one, that it had those two fruits inseparably attending it, "Dominion over sin, and constant peace from a sense of forgiveness," I was quite amazed, and looked upon it as a new Gospel. If this were so, it was clear I had not faith. But I was not willing to be convinced of this. Therefore I disputed with all my might, and laboured to prove, that faith might be where these were not; especially where the sense of forgiveness was not: For all the Scriptures relating to this, I had been long since taught to construe away, and to call all Presbyterians who spoke otherwise. Besides, I well saw, no one could, in the nature of things, have such a sense of forgiveness, and not feel it. But I felt it not. If then there was no faith without this,* all my pretensions to faith dropped at once.

12. When I met Peter Bohler again, he consented, to put the dispute upon the issue which I desired, viz. Scripture and experience. I first consulted the Scripture; but when I set aside the glosses of men, and simply considered the words of God, comparing them together, endeavouring to illustrate the obscure by the plainer passages, I found they all made against me, and was forced to retreat to my last hold, "That experience would never agree with the literal interpretation of those Scriptures. Nor could I therefore allow it to be true, till I found some living witnesses of it." He replied, "He

could shew me such at any time; if I desired it, the next day." And accordingly the next day, he came again with three others, all of whom testified of their own personal experience, that a true living faith in Christ is inseparable from a sense of pardon for all past, and freedom from all present sins. They added with one mouth, that this faith was the gift, the free gift of God, and that he would surely bestow it upon every soul, who earnestly and perseveringly sought it. I was now thoroughly convinced; and, by the grace of God, I resolved to seek it unto the end, 1. By absolutely renouncing all dependence, in whole or in part, upon my own works or righteousness, on which I had really grounded my hope of salvation, though I knew it not, from my youth up. 2. By adding to the constant use of all the other means of grace, continual prayer for this very thing, justifying, saving faith, a full reliance on the blood of Christ shed for me; a trust in him, as my Christ, as my sole justification, sanctification and redemption.

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13. I continued thus to seek it (though with strange indifference, dullness, and coldness, and usual frequent relapses into sin,) till Wednesday, May 24. I think it was about five this morning, that I opened my Testament on those words, Τα μεγισα ημιν και τίμια επαγγελματία δεδω βίλαι, ένα γενεθε θείας καινοινοι φυσεως, There are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, even that ye should be partakers of the Divine nature," 2 Pet. i. 4. Just as I went out, I opened it again on those words, "Thou art not far from the kingdom of God." In the afternoon, I was asked to go to St. Paul's. The anthem was, "Out of the deep have I called unto thee, O Lord: Lord hear my voice. O let thine ears consider well the voice of my complaint. If thou, Lord, wilt be extreme to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, who may abide it? But there is mercy with thee; therefore thou shalt be feared. O Israel, trust in the Lord: For with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption. And he shall redeem Israel from all his sins."

14. In the evening, I went very unwillingly to a Society in Aldersgate-street, where one was reading Luther's Preface to the Epistle to the Romans. About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ; Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me, that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.

15. I began to pray with all my might for those who had in a more especial manner despitefully used me and persecuted me. I then testified openly to all there, what I now first felt in my heart. But it was not long before the enemy suggested, "This cannot be Faith; for where is thy joy?" Then was I taught, that "Peace and victory over sin, are essential to Faith in the Captain of our salvation: But, that as to the transports of joy that usually attend the beginning of it, especially in those who have mourned deeply, God sometimes giveth, sometimes with-holdeth them, according to the counsels of his own will."

16. After my return home, I was much buffeted with temptations: But cried out, and they fled away. They returned again and again. I as often lifted up my eyes, and he "sent me help from his holy place." And herein I found the difference between this and my former state chiefly consisted. I was striving, yea, fighting with all my might under the law, as well as under grace. But then I was sometimes, if not often, conquered; now, I was always conqueror.

17. Thursday, May 25, The moment I awaked, "Jesus, Master," ✩ was in my heart and in my mouth: And I found all my strength lay in keeping my eye fixed upon him and my soul waiting on him continually. Being again at St. Paul's in the afternoon, I could taste the good word of God in the Anthem, which began, "My song shall be always of the loving kindness of the Lord: With my mouth will I ever be shewing forth thy truth from one generation to another." Yet the enemy injected a fear, "If thou dost believe, why is there not a more sensible change? I answered, (yet not I) That I know not. But this I know, I have now peace with God: And I sin not to-day, and Jesus my master has forbid me to take thought for the morrow.

18. "But is not any sort of fear (continued the tempter) a proof that thou dost not believe?" I desired my master to answer for me; and opened his book upon those words of St. Paul, "Without were fightings, within were fears." Then inferred I, well may fears be within me; but I must go on, and tread them under my feet.

Friday 26, My soul continued in peace, but yet in heaviness, because of manifold temptations. I asked Mr. Telchig, the Moravian, what to do? He said you must not fight with them, as you did before, but flee from them, the moment they appear, and take shelter in the wounds of Jesus. The same I learned also from the afternoon Anthem which was, "My soul truly waiteth still upon God; for of him cometh my salvation; he verily is my strength and my salvation; he is my defence, so that I shall not greatly fall. O put your trust in him always, ye people; pour out your hearts before him; for God is our hope."

Saturday 27, Believing one reason of my want of joy, was want of time for prayer, I resolved to do no business till I went to church in the morning, but to continue pouring out my heart before him, And this day my spirit was enlarged; so that though I was now also assaulted by many temptations, I was more than conqueror, gaining more power thereby to trust and to rejoice in God my Saviour.

Sunday 28, I waked in peace, but not in joy. In the same even quiet state I was till the evening, when I was roughly attacked in a large company as an Enthusiast, a Seducer, and a Setter forth of new Doctrines. By the blessing of God I was not moved to anger, but after a calm and short reply went away: though not with so tender a concern as was due to those, who were seeking death in the error

of their life.

This day I preached in the morning at St. George's, Bloomsbury, on, This is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith; and in the afternoon at the chapel in Long-acre, on God's justifying

the ungodly; the last time (I understand) I am to preach at either. "Not as I will, but as thou wilt."

Monday 29, I set out for Dummer with Mr. Wolf, one of the firstfruits of Peter Bohler's ministry in England. I was much strengthened by the grace of God in him: Yet was his state so far above mine, that I was often tempted to doubt whether we had one faith? But, without much reasoning about it, I held here; Though his be strong and mine weak, yet that God hath given some degree of faith even to me, I know by its fruits. For I have constant peace: not one uneasy thought. And I have freedom from sin: Not one unholy desire.

Yet on Wednesday did I grieve the Spirit of God, not only by not watching unto prayer, but likewise by speaking with sharpness instead of tender love, of one that was not sound in the faith. Immediately God hid his face and I was troubled; and in this heaviness I continued till the next morning, June 1, when it pleased God, while I was exhorting another, to give comfort to my soul, and (after I had spent some time in prayer) to direct me to those gracious words, "Having therefore boldness, to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus-Let us draw near with a true heart, in full assurance of faith. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that hath promised) and let us consider one another, to provoke unto love and to good works."

Saturday, June 3, I was so strongly assaulted by one of my old enemies, that I had scarce strength to open my lips, or even to look up for help. But after I had prayed, faintly, as I could, the temptation vanished away.

Sunday 4, Was indeed a feast day. For from the time of my rising till past one in the afternoon, I was praying, reading the Scriptures, singing praise, or calling sinners to repentance. All these days I scarce remember to have opened the Testament, but upon some great and precious promise. And I saw more than ever, that the Gospel is in truth, but one great promise, from the beginning of it to the end.

Tuesday 6, I had still more comfort, and peace and joy: On which I fear I began to presume. For in the evening I received a letter from Oxford, which threw me into much perplexity. It was asserted therein, "That no doubting could consist with the least degree of true faith That whoever at any time felt any doubt or fear, was not Weak in Faith, but had no Faith at all: And that none had any faith, till the law of the spirit of life has made him wholly free from the law of sin and death."

Begging of God to direct me, I opened my Testament on 1 Cor. iii. 1. &c. where St. Paul speaks of those whom he terms Babes in Christ, who were not able to bear strong meat, nay, in a sense, carnal; to whom nevertheless he says, "Ye are God's building, ye are the temple of God." Surely then these men had some degree of faith though it is plain, their faith was but weak.

After some hours spent in the Scriptures and prayer, I was much comforted. Yet I felt a kind of soreness in my heart, so that I found

my wound was not fully healed. O God, save thou me, and all that are weak in the faith, from doubtful disputations!

Wednesday 7, I determined, if God should permit, to retire for a short time into Germany. I had fully purposed before I left Georgia so to do, if it should please God to bring me back to Europe. And I now clearly saw the time was come. My weak mind could not bear to be thus sawn asunder. And I hoped the conversing with these holy men, who were themselves living witnesses of the full power of faith, and yet able to bear with those that are weak, would be a means, under God, of so establishing my soul, that I might "go on from faith to faith, and from strength to strength."

Thursday 8, I went to Salisbury, to take leave of my mother. The next day I left Sarum, and on Saturday came to Stanton-Harcourt. Having preached Faith in Christ there on Sunday 11, I went on to Oxford; and thence on Monday to London, where I found Mr. Ingham just setting out. We went on board the next day, Tuesday 13, and fell down to Gravesend that night. About four in the afternoon on Wednesday we lost sight of England. We reached the Maese at eight on Thursday morning, and in an hour and a half landed at Rotterdam.

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We were eight in all, five English and three Germans, Dr. Koker, a physician of Rotterdam, was so kind, when we set forward in the afternoon, as to walk an hour with us on our way. I never before saw any such road as this. For many miles together it is raised for some yards above the level, and paved with a small sort of brick, as smooth and clean as the Mall at St. James's. The walnut-trees stand in even rows on either side: So that no walk in a gentleman's den is pleasanter. About seven we came to Goudart, where we were a little surprised, at meeting with a treatment which is not heard of in England. Several Inns utterly refused to entertain us; so that it was with difficulty we at last found one, where they did us the favour to take our money for some meat and drink, and the use of two or three bad beds. They pressed us much in the morning to see their Church, but were displeased at our pulling off our hats

in; telling us, custom there.” It is a large old building, of the Gothic kind, resembling some of our English Cathedrals. There is much history-painting in the windows, which they told us, is greatly admired. About eight we left Gou dart, and in a little more than six hours we reached Ysselstein.

"We must not do so; it was not the When we went

Here we were at Baron Wattevil's as at home. We found with him a few German brethren and sisters, and seven or eight of our English acquaintance, who had settled here some time before. They lodged just without the town, in three or four little houses, till one should be built that would contain them all. Saturday 17, was their Intercession-day. In the morning, some of our English brethren desired me to administer the Lord's Supper: The rest of the day we spent with all the brethren and sisters, in hearing the wonderful work which God is beginning to work over all the earth, and in making our requests known unto him, and giving him thanks for the mightiness of his kingdom.