they are subduing their enemies abroad, they are could be prevailed upon to make no other answer but "tobacco and brandy." In short, an electionbreaking each other's heads at home. 1 lately made an excursion to a neighbouring hall seems to be a theatre, where every passion is town, in order to be a spectator of the ceremonies seen without disguise; a school, where fools may practised upon this occasion. I left London in readily become worse, and where philosophers may company with three fiddlers, nine dozen of hams, gather wisdom. Adieu. and a corporation poet, which were designed as reinforcements to the gin-drinking party. We entered the town with a very good face; the fiddlers, no way intimidated by the enemy, kept handling their arms up the principal street. By this prudent manœuvre they took peaceable possession of their head-quarters, amidst the shouts of multitudes, who seemed perfectly rejoiced at hearing their music, but above all at seeing their bacon. LETTER CXIII. From the Same. THE disputes among the learned here are now carried on in a much more compendious manner than formerly. There was a time when folio I must own, I could not avoid being pleased to was brought to oppose folio, and a champion was see all ranks of people on this occasion levelled in- often listed for life under the banners of a single At present, the controversy is decided in to an equality, and the poor, in some measure, en-sorites. joy the primitive privileges of nature. If there was a summary way; an epigram or an acrostic finish any distinction shown, the lowest of the people es the debate, and the combatant, like the incurseemed to receive it from the rich. I could per- sive Tartar, advances and retires with a single ceive a cobbler with a levee at his door, and a haber- blow. dasher giving audience from behind his counter. An important literary debate at present en But my reflections were soon interrupted by a grosses the attention of the town. It is carried on mob, who demanded whether I was for the distil- with sharpness, and a proper share of this epigramlery or the brewery? As these were terms with matical fury. An author, it seems, has taken an which I was totally unacquainted, I chose at first aversion to the faces of several players, and has to be silent, however, I know not what might have written verses to prove his dislike; the players fall been the consequence of my reserve, had not the upon the author, and assure the town he must be attention of the mob been called off to a skirmish dull, and their faces must be good, because he wants between a brandy-drinker's cow and a gin-drink- a dinner: a critic comes to the poet's assistance, er's mastiff, which turned out, greatly to the satis- asserting that the verses were perfectly original, faction of the mob, in favour of the mastiff. and so smart, that he could never have written them without the assistance of friends; the friends, upon this, arraign the critic, and plainly prove the So at it they verses to be all the author's own. This spectacle, which afforded high entertainment, was at last ended by the appearance of one of the candidates, who came to harangue the mob: he made a very pathetic speech upon the late ex- are, all four together by the ears; the friends at cessive importation of foreign drams, and the down- the critic, the critic at the players, the players a fal of the distillery; I could see some of the audi- the author, and the author at the players again. ence shed tears. He was accompanied in his pro- It is impossible to determine how this many-sided cession by Mrs. Deputy and Mrs. Mayoress. contest will end, or which party to adhere to. The Mrs. Deputy was not in the least in liquor; and town, without siding with any, views the combat as for Mrs. Mayoress, one of the spectators assured in suspense, like the fabled hero of antiquity, who me in my ear, that-she was a very fine woman beheld the earth-born brothers give and receive before she had the small-pox. mutual wounds, and fall by indiscriminate destruc Mixing with the crowd, I was now conducted tion. to the hall where the magistrates are chosen: but This is, in some measure, the state of the prewhat tongue can describe this scene of confusion! sent dispute; but the combatants here differ in one Every the whole crowd seemed equally inspired with respect from the champions of the fable. anger, jealousy, politics, patriotism, and punch. I new wound only gives vigour for another blow; remarked one figure that was carried up by two though they appear to strike, they are in fact mumen upon this occasion. I at first began to pity tually swelling themselves into consideration, and his infirmities as natural, but soon found the fellow thus advertising each other into fame. "To-day," so drunk that he could not stand; another made says one, "my name shall be in the Gazette, the his appearance to give his vote, but though he next day my rival's; people will naturally inquire could stand, he actually lost the use of his tongue, about us; thus we shall at least make a noise in the and remained silent; a third who, though exces- streets, though we have get nothing to sell." I sively drunk, could both stand and speak, being have read of a dispute of a similar nature, which asked the candidate's name for whom he voted, was managed here about twenty years ago. Hilde But, pitying his distress, let virtue* shine, brand Jacob, as I think he was called, and Charles | Johnson, were poets, both at that time possessed of great reputation; for Johnson had written eleven plays, acted with great success; and Jacob, though he had written but five, had five times thanked the town for their unmerited applause. They soon became mutually enamoured of each other's talents; they wrote, they felt, they challenged the town for each other. Johnson assured the public, that no The last lines are certainly executed in a very poet alive had the easy simplicity of Jacob, and Ja- masterly manner. It is of that species of argucob exhibited Johnson as a masterpiece in the pa- mentation called the perplexing. It effectually thetic. Their mutual praise was not without ef- flings the antagonist into a mist; there is no anfect; the town saw their plays, were in raptures, swering it: the laugh is raised against him, while read, and, without censuring them, forgot them. he is endeavouring to find out the jest. At once So formidable a union, however, was soon opposed he shows, that the author has a kennel, and that by Tibbald. Tibbald asserted that the tragedies his kennel is putrid, and that his putrid kennel of the one had faults, and the comedies of the other overflows. But why does it overflow? It oversubstituted wit for vivacity: the combined champions flows, because the author happens to have low flew at him like tigers, arraigned the censurer's pockets! judgment, and impeached his sincerity. It was a There was also another new attempt in this long time a dispute among the learned, which was way; a prosaic epigram which came out upon this in fact the greatest man, Jacob, Johnson, or Tib- occasion. This is so full of matter, that a critic bald; they had all written for the stage with great might split it into fifteen epigrams, each properly success, their names were seen in almost every pa- fitted with its sting. You shall see it. per, and their works in every coffee-house. How ever, in the hottest of the dispute, a fourth com To G. C. and R. L. batant made his appearance, and swept away the "Twas you, or I, or he, or all together, three combatants, tragedy, comedy, and all, into 'Twas one, both, three of them, they know not undistinguished ruin. whether. From this time they seemed consigned into the This I believe, between us great or small, hands of criticism; scarcely a day passed in which You, I, he, wrote it not-'twas Churchill's all." they were not arraigned as detested writers. The critics, those enemies of Dryden and Pope, were There, there's a perplex! I could have wished their enemies. So Jacob and Johnson, instead of to make it quite perfect, the author, as in the case mending by criticism, called it envy; and, because before, had added notes. Almost every word adDryden and Pope were censured, they compared mits a scolium, and a long one too. I, YOU, HE! themselves to Dryden and Pope. Suppose a stranger should ask, "and who are But to return. The weapon chiefly used in the you?" Here are three obscure persons spoken of, present controversy is epigram; and certainly never that may in a short time be utterly forgotten. Their was a keener made use of. They have discovered names should have consequently been mentioned surprising sharpness on both sides. The first that in notes at the bottom. But when the reader comes came out upon this occasion was a new kind of com- to the words great and small, the maze is inextriposition in this way, and might more properly be cable. Here the stranger may dive for a mystery, called an epigrammatic thesis than an epigram. without ever reaching the bottom. Let him know It consists, first, of an argument in prose; next then, that small is a word purely introduced to follows a motto from Roscommon; then comes the make good rhyme, and great was a very proper epigram; and, lastly, notes serving to explain the word to keep small company. epigram. But you shall have it with all its decorations. AN EPIGRAM, Yet, by being thus a spectator of others' dangers, I must own I begin to tremble in this literary contest for my own. I begin to fear that my challenge to Doctor Rock was unadvised, and has procured me more antagonists than I had at first expected. Addressed to the Gentlemen reflected on in the I have received private letters from several of the ROSCIAD, a Poem, by the Author. Worried with debts, and prist all hopes of bail, literati here, that fill my soul with apprehension. I may safely aver, that I never gave any creature in this good city offence, except only my rivai Doctor Rock; yet by the letters I every day re- too often found to decay. She is then permitted ceive, and by some I have seen printed, I am ar- to dimple and smile when the dimples and smiles raigned at one time as being a dull fellow, at begin to forsake her; and, when perhaps grown another as being pert; I am here petulant, there I ugly, is charitably intrusted with an unlimited use am heavy. By the head of my ancestors, they treat of her charms. Her lovers, however, by this time me with more inhumanity than a flying fish. If I have forsaken her; the captain has changed for dive and run my nose to the bottom, there a de- another mistress; the priest himself leaves her in vouring shark is ready to swallow me up; if I skim solitude to bewail her virginity; and she dies even the surface, a pack of dolphins are at my tail to without benefit of clergy. snap me; but when I take wing, and attempt to escape them by flight, I become a prey to every ravenous bird that winnows the bosom of the deep. Adieu. none. LETTER CXIV. From the Same. Thus you find the Europeans discouraging love with as much earnestness as the rudest savage of Sofala. The Genius is surely now no more. In every region I find enemies in arms to oppress him. Avarice in Europe, jealousy in Persia, ceremony in China, poverty among the Tartars, and lust in Circassia, are all prepared to oppose his power. The Genius is certainly banished from earth, though once adored under such a variety of forms. He is nowhere to be found; and all that THE formalities, delays, and disappointments, the ladies of each country can produce, are but a that precede a treaty of marriage here, are usually few trifling relics, as instances of his former resias numerous as those previous to a treaty of peace. dence and favour. The laws of this country are finely calculated to "The Genius of Love," says the eastern apopromote all commerce, but the commerce between logue, "had long resided in the happy plains of the sexes. Their encouragements for propagating Abra, where every breeze was health, and every hemp, madder, and tobacco, are indeed admirable! sound produced tranquillity. His temple at first Marriages are the only commodity that meets with was crowded, but every age lessened the number of his votaries, or cooled their devotion. Perceiving, Yet from the vernal softness of the air, the ver- therefore, his altars at length quite deserted, he dure of the fields, the transparency of the streams, was resolved to remove to some more propitious and the beauty of the women, I know few coun- region, and he apprised the fair sex of every countries more proper to invite to courtship. Here love try where he could hope for a proper reception, to might sport among painted lawns and warbling assert their right to his presence among them. In groves, and revel amidst gales, wafting at once both return to this proclamation, embassies were sent fragrance and harmony. Yet it seems he has for- from the ladies of every part of the world to insaken the island; and, when a couple are now to vite him, and to display the superiority of their be married, mutual love, or a union of minds, is claims. the last and most trifling consideration. If their "And first, the beauties of China appeared. No goods and chattels can be brought to unite, their country could compare with them for modesty sympathetic souls are ever ready to guarantee the treaty. The gentleman's mortgaged lawn becomes enamoured of the lady's marriageable grove; the match is struck up, and both parties are piously in love-according to act of parliament. either of look, dress, or behaviour; their eyes were never lifted from the ground; their robes of the most beautiful silk hid their hands, bosom, and neck, while their faces only were left uncovered. They indulged no airs that might express loose desire, and they seemed to study only the graces of inanimate beauty. Their black teeth, and plucked eyebrows, were, however, alleged by the Genius against them, and he set them entirely aside when he came to examine their little feet. Thus, they who have fortune are possessed at least of something that is lovely; but I actually pity those that have none. I am told there was a time when ladies, with no other merit but youth, virtue, and beauty, had a chance for husbands, at least, among the ministers of the church, or the "The beauties of Circassia next made their apofficers of the army. The blush and innocence of pearance. They advanced hand-in-hand, singing sixteen was said to have a powerful influence over the most immodest airs, and leading up a dance these two professions. But of late, all the little in the most luxurious attitudes. Their dress was traffic of blushing, ogling, dimpling, and smiling, but half a covering; the neck, the left breast, and has been forbidden by an act in that case wisely all the limbs, were exposed to view, which, after made and provided. A lady's whole cargo of some time, seemed rather to satiate than inflame smiles, sighs, and whispers, is declared utterly con- desire. The lily and the rose contended in formtraband, till she arrives in the warm latitudes of ing their complexions; and a soft sleepiness of eye twenty-two, where commodities of this nature are added irresistible poignancy to their charms. but their beauties were obtruded, not offered, to their every country should furnish him with what each admirers; they seemed to give rather than receive liked best. This proposal was instantly relished courtship; and the Genius of Love dismissed them and agreed to. An idol was formed by uniting as unworthy his regard, since they exchanged the the capricious gifts of all the assembly, though no duties of love, and made themselves not the pur-way resembling the departed Genius. The ladies sued, but the pursuing sex. of China furnished the monster with wings; those "The kingdom of Cashmire next produced its of Cashmire supplied him with horns; the dames charming deputies. This happy region seemed of Europe clapped a purse in his hand; and the peculiarly sequestered by nature for his abode. virgins of Congo furnished him with a tail. Since Shady mountains fenced it on one side from the that time, all the vows addressed to Love are in scorching sun, and sea-born breezes, on the other, reality paid to the idol; but, as in other false regave peculiar luxuriance to the air. Their com-ligions, the adoration seems most fervent where plexions were of a bright yellow, that appeared al- the heart is least sincere." Adieu. most transparent, while the crimson tulip seemed to blossom on their cheeks. Their features and limbs were delicate beyond the statuary's power to express, and their teeth whiter than their own ivory. He was almost persuaded to reside among| them, when unfortunately one of the ladies talked of appointing his seraglio. LETTER CXV. From the Same. MANKIND have ever been prone to expatiate in "In this procession the naked inhabitants of the praise of human nature. The dignity of man Southern America would not be left behind; their is a subject that has always been the favourite charms were found to surpass whatever the warm- theme of humanity: they have declaimed with that est imagination could conceive; and served to show, ostentation which usually accompanies such as are that beauty could be perfect, even with the seem-sure of having a partial audience; they have obing disadvantage of a brown complexion. But tained victories, because there were none to oppose. their savage education rendered them utterly un-Yet, from all I have ever read or seen, men appear qualified to make the proper use of their power, and more apt to err by having too high, than by having they were rejected as being incapable of uniting too despicable, an opinion of their nature; and, by mental with sensual satisfaction. In this manner, attempting to exalt their original place in creation, the deputies of other kingdoms had their suits re- depress their real value in society. jected: the black beauties of Benin, and the tawny daughters of Borneo; the women of Wida with well-scarred faces, and the hideous virgins of Caffraria; the squab ladies of Lapland, three feet high, and the giant fair ones of Patagonia. The most ignorant nations have always been found to think most highly of themselves. The Deity has ever been thought peculiarly concerned in their glory and preservation; to have fought their battles, and inspired their teachers: their "The beauties of Europe at last appeared; grace wizards are said to be familiar with heaven; and was in their steps, and sensibility sat smiling in every hero has a guard of angels, as well as men, every eye. It was the universal opinion, while to attend him. When the Portuguese first came they were approaching, that they would prevail; among the wretched inhabitants of the coast of and the Genius seemed to lend them his most Africa, these savage nations readily allowed the favourable attention. They opened their preten- strangers more skill in navigation and war; yet sions with the utmost modesty; but unfortunately, still considered them at best but as useful servants, as their orator proceeded, she happened to let fall brought to their coast by their guardian serpent, the words, house in town, settlement, and pin- to supply them with luxuries they could have lived money. These seemingly harmless terms had in- without. Though they could grant the Portuguese stantly a surprising effect: the Genius with ungovernable rage burst from amidst the circle; and, waving his youthful pinions, left this earth, and flew back to those ethereal mansions from whence he descended. more riches, they could never allow them to have such a king as their Tottimondelem, who wore a bracelet of shells round his neck, and whose legs were covered with ivory. In this manner, examine a savage in the history "The whole assembly was struck with amaze- of his country and predecessors, you ever find his · ment; they now justly apprehended, that female warriors able to conquer armies, and his sages acpower would be no more, since Love had forsaken quainted with more than possible knowledge. them. They continued some time thus in a state Human nature is to him an unknown country: he of torpid despair, when it was proposed by one of thinks it capable of great things, because he is ig the number, that, since the real Genius had left norant of its boundaries; whatever can be conthem, in order to continue their power, they should ceived to be done, he allows to be possible, and set up an idol in his stead; and that the ladies of whatever is possible, he conjectures must have been done. He never measures the actions and powers gree of satirical contempt must they listen to the When man has thus acquired an erroneous idea of the dignity of his species, he and the gods become perfectly intimate; men are but angels, angels are but men, nay but servants, that stand in waiting to execute human commands. The Persians, for instance, thus address their prophet Haly: "I salute thee, glorious creator, of whom the sun is but the shadow. Masterpiece of the Lord of human creatures, great star of justice and religion! The sea is not rich and liberal, but by conversation of a fine woman; even though her the gifts of thy munificent hands. The angel tongue be silent, the eloquence of her eyes teaches treasurer of heaven reaps his harvest in the fertile wisdom. The mind sympathizes with the regugardens of the purity of thy nature. The primum larity of the object in view, and, struck with extermobile would never dart the ball of the sun through nal grace, vibrates into respondent harmony. In the trunk of heaven, were it not to serve the morn- this agreeable disposition, I lately found myself in ing out of the extreme love she has for thee. The company with my friend and his niece. Our conangel Gabriel, messenger of truth, every day kisses versation turned upon love, which she seemed the groundsel of thy gate. Were there a place equally capable of defending and inspiring. We more exalted than the most high throne of God, I were each of different opinions upon this subject: would affirm it to be thy place, O master of the the lady insisted that it was a natural and univerfaithful! Gabriel, with all his art and knowledge, sal passion, and produced the happiness of those is but a mere scholar to thee." Thus, my friend, men think proper to treat angels; but if indeed there be such an order of beings, with what a de who cultivated it with proper precaution. My |