2 THE RECREATIONS OF MR. THEODORE TREMOR. box or two, and a packet of Seidlitz powders between their folds, and putting into my hands the volume of "Murray's GuideBook for Northern Germany." Behold me now, on the 19th of August, on my way to London, thinking "Fain would I travel to some foreign shore, So might I to myself myself restore." As Belgium and Nassau were the countries to which I was directing my steps, a passport from the Belgium authorities was necessary in the first instance. I accordingly paid six shillings and sixpence for permission to enter the territories of King Leopold, and was heralded into Belgium as rejoicing in green eyes, yellow visage, and grey hair, although I had always thought and been always told that my eyes were hazel, my hair only slightly sprinkled with grey, and my colour exquisitely pale. Now I could not help thinking to myself, while the functionary was scrutinizing my physiognomical outline, how unpleasant it is to have one's features submitted to the artistic delineation of a consul's clerk, and to have one's age recorded in a public document. A passport is either a lie or a suicide. If a bachelor gentleman of a certain age, or a spinster lady of a very uncertain age, were to state that which is false, they would start with an uneasy mind from the port; and if they declare their ages truly they furnish indisputable testimony to convict themselves of having passed into the "sear and yellow leaf." Did I not myself see at the office a fair dame, with a roseate cheek-of rouge-and flaxen | hair-of Ross-and whose summers must have reckoned threescore, declare her years to be thirty, and have her complexion inserted as blonde? And why should my good-natured fat friend, Mrs. H- who assured me she never did weigh eighteen stone, have been exposed to the waggery of the descriptionist who portrayed her as grande, grasse, et grosse, when she was certainly in the condition attributed to her by the designation. In the act of embarking from Dover, at midnight, I had a narrow escape from a watery grave. The mail-packet in which I was about to depart was moored on the outside of another steamer, and the passengers were under the necessity of crossing by a gang-board from one vessel to the other, The night was so dark that even with the light of lanthorns we could not see an inch of our way. My trunk was on the back of a porter, and I was close to his heels in obedience to my wife's reiterated injunctions not to lose sight of it, when a fresh influx of men and women pressed so closely upon me that I became nervous. With my umbrella I endeavoured to defend myself from some of the crushing weight, but vainly; the defensive weapon was pressed against my own ribs by the crowd, while my arms were pinioned, and the metal clasp of the flowing cloak in which I was enclosed squeezed my throat so that I was beginning to experience a sense of suffocation; in a state of agony I forced myself from the narrow stream of human beings in which I had been borne forward, by impinging the sharp ferule of my umbrella against the sides of the people in the way. I escaped indeed from the gang-board, but the step by which I did so caused me to plunge into the raging tide which was gurgling between the vessels—my whole body was engulphed in a moment, my mouth and ears were filled with water-the cry of " A gentleman overboard!" did not reach me, but as I was afterwards told, it did arise loudly and simultaneously. I was picked up by a sailor, who caught the neck chain of my cloak by a boat-hook. I was lifted to my feet, disembarrassed of my cloak, roused into consciousness by rough and frequent shakings, and I faintly articulated as I trembled from head to foot, "Take me to the Union Hotel!" I was driven there, quickly undressed, shampooed, laid between hot blankets, and dosed with strong brandy punch. In the meantime, a porter had been despatched for my trunk, but it was then nearly a mile at sea. The waiter supplied me in this emergency with a shirt, and the landlady lent me a flannel waistcoat, in which my chilled feet and legs were wrapped; and though I still suffered from cold and fright, and the anticipation of fever or paralysis, I sunk into a profound slumber-punch is an excellent soporific!-and on awakening at a late hour the next day could not discover that anything was the matter with me. However, as my clothes were not dry, I breakfasted in bed, still expecting to experience the symptoms of the disease which I was THE RECREATIONS OF MR, THEODORE TREMOR, morally certain awaited me, for how could a system like mine, saturated with blue pill, and liable to gouty or rheumatic affections -I never could determine which-escape the consequences of the terrible shock which it had just sustained? My first impulse was to return home, and undergo in my own bed the fit of sickness of which the endearments of my wife and children would soothe the bitterness. But as the day wore on without bringing any premonitory symptoms of the morbific character which floated in my imagination, I felt disposed to follow my trunk. This was cheering, and decided me to start for Ostend that night, in spite of the inauspicious event by which my voyage had been retarded. from the adroit manner in which the sailor had hooked me up, and partly from the circumstance that my first exclamation on coming to myself was :"Where is my five-and-twenty shilling umbrella?" This trait of supposed parsimony, but which really arose from dread of a conjugal reproof, soon obtained circulation through the malice of the aforesaid scout, who had the impudence to ask me what I would give for the five-and-twe ty shilling umbrella I had lost. I was very much disposed to kick the scoundrel, who had driven me from the deck by the satirical admonition he gave the passengers when I was within hearing, to "Take care of their umbrellas, as a gemman had lost one last night." However, as the steward told me that the article was recoverable, a sailor having picked it up, I paid ten shillings for it, which I considered a cheap fine for escaping the objurgation I have hinted at. Towards five o'clock I felt a sensation like that of hunger-was this a natural or an unnatural appetite? Did it arise from a disorganized state of the system or not? I had heard of persons recovering from fever with a craving stomach. The odour of pickled beef and vegetable concomitants excited in me a strong sympathetic desire for food; this was alarming. I decided on doing what I ought to have done the Having reached the cabin, I stretched night before,-I sent for a physician-myself on a sofa, wondering at my own folded a sovereign and a shilling in white temerity and folly in seeking a recreation paper the shilling is important to sensi- of this nature, which involved the hazard tive physicians and awaited his arrival of drowning. It was, however, too late to with anxiety. He came, went through the retreat. Passengers began to collect, some usual formalities, declared that nothing of them fine, active, cheerful young men, ailed me, and that I might indulge my gay with hope, and elate with health. appetite for food. To them, the anticipated pleasure of seeing new lands and new people afforded elements of much enjoyment. They had no debilitated constitutions to repair, and needed no German spa to brace limbs which were to mount Saint Bernard, and climb the highest Alps. Oh, what a contrast, thought I, between these men and me! They are full of animal strength and mental energy, but I, who at this moment am a poor feeble creature, look with dismay at strange faces, and think with disgust of greasy dinners and sulphurous baths. They think with delight of sparkling Moselle, and goblets of Steinberg. I dread continental smells and Prussian students, who smoke and quarrel; they think only of vine-clad hills, and see everything couleur de rose. The sound of paddlewheels, and the escape of steam, are the noises that haunt my apprehensions. They seem to be lost in ecstasy at the thought of hearing the music of Mendelssohn and Meyerbeer sung by native vocalists. But why pursue the contrast, No untoward circumstance occurred on my second embarkation. I made my way to the Vivid steamer, long before the mailbags arrived, not, however, without some officious and jibing injunctions-"Take /care, Sir;" "This is your way, Sir;" "Mind your footing, Sir;" "A gemman fell overboard last night," and I overheard a scout from one of the hotels, whose tormenting zeal I had repulsed on the previous day, remark to another rascal, Why, I'm blessed if that 'ere beant the very gemman as fell into the water last night." This observation reached the ear of some of the passengers; my privacy was at once destroyed, and an unenviable notoriety attached to my person. Instead of commiserating me, every one seemed to treat the incident of the last night as extremely comical, partly 4 THE RECREATIONS OF MR. THEODORE TREMOR. when the animal magnetism of their vigorous existence did not communicate itself to me? The detestable smells of oil from the steam-engine, and of tar from the ropes and boards of the vessel were beginning to affect my delicate stomach. For an hour or so after we had put to sea, I lay on my sofa watching the sights and sounds of the cabin; but as the wind freshened, and the sea became rough, I could bear the closeness and motion below no longer, and tottered to the deck, where lay down on the bare planks, heartily wishing that my travels were ended. While I was stretched on my back, gazing with lack-lustre eyes on the clear, starlit firmament, a sailor tumbled over me, and forced one of his iron-shod heels into the back of my right hand, mechanically kicking me under the notion that I was a bundle of port manteaus. bustled after my trunk from the boat to the custom-house, and succeeded in having it examined in time to take my departure for Brussels. It is not my intention to write an itinerary. I could not, even if I would. Suffice it to say, that I reached my first destination without any incident worthy of narration; but, as if water were to have been the element of my misery, I had no sooner arrived at Brussels, than the rain began to fall in torrents. The next day there was an unceasing downpour. The streets were flooded, and I only ventured out once, on which occasion I saw a house, whose foundations were undermined by the waters, falling, and two workmen killed. This incident was enough to make me sad. I did not close an eye that night; my bed-room was on an upper floor, yet I could not divest myself of the apprehension that, before morning, the whole city, my attic of course inclusive, would be submerged. The inundation of 1421, which I was landed at Ostend without further disaster to my person, and was led, half sick and quite stupified, to the custom-covered upwards of seventy villages, and house in search of my baggage; but as I could not explain why my trunk and I had parted company, I was left till the last, and at length ascertained that the captain of the steamer in which, but for my unlucky immersion, I was to have arrived, had thought it better to take my trunk back to Dover, on the supposition of my inability to follow it; accordingly, as I was steering to Ostend, it crossed me on its way. Imagine my vexation! I could do nothing more soothing to my nervous system, than seek oblivion in sleep from my disasters, and wait at Ostend until my trunk should perform its third voyage, for the accomplishment of which I made the necessary arrangements. drowned one hundred thousand inhabitants, was present on my mind. Why might not the Scheldt and the other rivers of Belgium and Holland overflow? The sea might break the dykes and the whole country be deluged. Another such a night as that which I passed at Brussels, and I believe I should have gone mad of hydrophobia. But when day broke, and I perceived no sensible increase of water in the streets, I acquired a little courage, which waxed greater as the day advanced, and I determined to drive to the field of Waterloo, which I had long ardently desired to visit. Hardly, however, had I reached the village of Saint Jean, when the rain poured upon me. Notwithstanding, wrapped in my cloak, I aroused myself sufficiently in the and protected, in some measure, by my reevening to venture out on the digue, and covered umbrella, I walked to the scene look at the multitude of bathers of both of battle. To see it before me, and yet be sexes-the Tritons and Naiades who dis-obliged, from apprehension of cold, and ported on the smooth beach, and who are the only objects worthy of observation at Ostend. On the arrival of the packet the next morning, it was announced to me that my missing property was on board, it having been ascertained at the Dover side that I had crossed the channel. On this occasion I was stimulated to exertion, and all its train of evil consequences, to hasten from it with a mere cursory view! to see, within less than a mile of me, the chateau of Hougoumont, and not reach it, was vexatious, and yet that vexation was mine! To look at the gigantic tumulus which has been piled "as a memorial, a trophy, and a tomb," and yet, not to ascend to the lion which surmounts it, was likewise a source THE RECREATIONS OF MR. THEODORE TREMOR. 5 a train started for Cologne. I know not why I gave way to presentiments of evil, and determined not to proceed to Antwerp. The musical youths had turned back towards their homes in despair, why then should I tempt Providence, and brave the dangers of the road to Antwerp? of vexation that vexation was mine. One of my youthful day-dreams had been to walk over every spot of the evermemorable battlefield; but what was the reality? To wade through greasy clay, under a tropical-like rain, was to me out of the question, except at the risk of life; so I had to trudge to a little hotel, and I had no sooner escaped from being dry my shoes and stockings as I best drowned at Dover and in Belgium, than I could, and whatever other portions of my was exposed to the danger of being overraiment I could venture, without impro-whelmed by what I may call the Pacific priety, to take off in the family kitchen. Such were the recreations of the day. That night, on my return to Brussels, I took medicine as a preventive of cold or feverishness, and thought it prudent to remain within doors all the next day. After that, I started for Antwerp, but, unfortunately, in a railway-carriage full of young men, uproariously merry. This was a sad thing for such a shy man as I was; their jests and jokes were pointless to me, but when they began to play practical tricks on each other, I became nervous, lest, in the exuberance of their animal spirits, they might have been tempted to include me among their objects of attack. They began to sing, too, in chorus, but their music had no charms for me, for it almost deafened me. In the midst of this, to me, most discordant mirth, the train suddenly slackened its pace, it paused, it stopped; the floods, occasioned by the recent rain which had fallen with a copiousness unknown for thirty years, had inundated that part of the flat country which we were then passing. I had been for some time looking at submerged gardens and fields, and a wide, lake like expanse of water, and was not surprised, therefore, at finding that the floods now impeded our progress. The current was deep on the railway, and advancing with force; the choral songs ceased, and looks of dismay and disappointment were visible on the countenances of the young men. I scrambled out of the railway, ankle deep in water, and learnt that it was impossible for the train to proceed. When I reflect on all the misery I underwent in search of a private bed-chamber, where I could rest until the flood should abate, I shudder; I, however, discovered a retreat in a little hamlet near the station where we were so unexpectedly stopped, and there I remained until the following day, when ocean, and of delegates who were making their way to the Peace Congress at Frankfort. In their case many obstacles had been removed. Beds, board, and travelling trains had been duly provided for them; whilst I, friendless and alone, had to make my way unaided, and with the disadvantage of finding all the good hotels in Cologne filled with these pacificators. I heard English on every side of me, and this, the sound of my vernacular tongue, afforded me the assurance that I was in no danger of being compelled to preserve a forced taciturnity, or of going astray on my route for want of information. But I determined to observe a national incognito, which could only be maintained by absolute silence. I found that these amiably disposed individuals intended to go on direct to Frankfort; and to avoid them-from my morbid dislike of new acquaintances-I resolved to lie by at Cologne, for at least a day, until they had passed on. In due time I reached that city along with the whole party, and found, after driving about the streets in a crowded omnibus from one hotel to another, that every passenger, except myself, had a billet, by which a bed was secured to him. "Have you a ticket? are you a delegate?" were the questions put to me in English or French at every hotel; the reader knows I had not. However, the sight of my ponderous trunk procured for me the accomodation which I sought. I locked myself up in my bed-room until a late hour next day, when I judged that the stream of travellers had flowed on, and then ventured out to visit the far-famed Cathedral. After this I made my way by railway to Bonn, and thence got on board a steamer in expectation of a sunny glide on the deep waters of the noble Rhine. But, alas! I had fallen from Scylla on to Charybdis. I found the vessel filled with Frenchmen, on 6 THE RECREATIONS OF MR. THEODORE TREMOR. their way to pay their respects to the Comte de Chambord, then sojourning at Wiesbaden -the place to which I was bound and par comble de malheur, a drizzling rain began to fall. I was obliged to take refuge in the cabin, and only from its little windows had I a view of the passing diorama. Every one else remained on deck, but I had such horror of being drenched again, and such repugnance to ask questions, that I rested content with the imperfect glimpses of woods, mountains, castles, towns, and vineyards with which the landscapes were adorned. was O'Callaghan, of Ballylackcash, in Ireland, and he proved to me not only a lively and agreeable companion, but communicative, also, of the details of continental habits and manners, of which I was practically ignorant. While we were at dinner, he explained to me that the whole company, amounting to about fifty individuals, were, excepting himself and me, French legitimists, who had come to Wiesbaden to pay their respects to him whom they considered their king. I was not, therefore, surprised, when the whole party rose to drink the health of this royal personThe Frenchmen and I were landed at age, and a band in attendance played Vive Biberich, within a league of Wiesbaden, le Roi. At first, indeed, I was embarrassed and hard by to the fine aristocratic chateau at the course I ought to pursue, but obof the Duc de Nassau. I hurried to an serving that Mr. O'Callaghan stood up, omnibus, which was to convey us to Wies- and dreading that a bottle would be flung baden. A number of French people of at my head if I did not do honour to the both sexes accompanied me, and the vehicle toast, I stood up also and drank it with was quickly filled. There was no room the rest. But I felt nervous, and someinside for an old grey-bearded Vendean, what in the predicament of Waverley, when who was anxious to get in; the patriarch, Balmawhapple proposed the Jacobite toast, however, mounted good-humouredly to the-not that my loyalty or honour was comroof of the omnibus, from which he was every now and then peering down to interchange jokes with his friends in the interior. I was looking, in no lively mood, on an old caleche behind us, driven by a servant in blue and white livery, when the old Vendéan poked his flushed and animated face into one of the windows. Off went every hat-mine with the rest-and I saw, by the general expression of coun tenances, who was in the caleche. "Le Roi! le Roi !" exclaimed a lady; "Cela viendra, Cela viendra," she added, with emphasis, as I looked incredulous. It was the Comte de Chambord-king in the lady's estimation. This little incident, which charmed my companions, even aroused me. Our omnibus was driven to the grand hotel at which the Comte de Chambord had a suite of apartments, but no one alighted from it, as there was no accommodation for any of us there. We then proceeded to some other hotel, and so on, until after many imaginary, and it may be conceded, some real miseries, I reached my destination, the Goldner Brunnen. The dinner-bell of the adjacent Adler sounded at five o'clock. A waiter placed me next a gentleman whom he announced to me as a Monsieur Anglais. I soon found from this person himself that his name promised by drinking the health of the Comte de Chambord, Louis Napoleon, or the success of La Republique--but the reader will remember that I am of a timid disposition. When I looked at the white flowers which ornamented the vests of the gentlemen, I thought of the wars of our own Roses "When the Red Rose grew pale with the blood it had shed, And the White Rose grew red at shedding it!" Need I say that I have more of the pacific than of the pugnacious temperament, and that sabres, bullets, and prison walls are dreadful images to me; that my inclinations were then more towards the Peace Congress and Frankfort, with "Cobby" at their head, than for the re-establishment of a legiti mist monarchy, if my personal fate were to be in any desperate way identified with it. As little episodes came forth incidentally from Mr. O'Callaghan, without ostentation, which tended to show that although he had the hereditary estate of Ballylackcash, he was economising upon a very small income in Germany, in the hope of saving his property from confiscation under the Encumbered Estates Act, my sympathies became touched; and in proportion as our sentimentalism increased |